You’re not depressed. You’re selfish.
“Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open? ” — Jalal ad-Din Rumi, Persian poet and mystic
Depression is not real. It is something that exists in people’s minds. It can not be seen or touched or identified by sight or spirit in the real word. It’s all in people’s heads. Psychiatrists, in stereotypical attempts to make what they do look relevant, identify endless causes for depression, and for each cause there is an unnecessarily complex solution. My contention is that there is but one true cause, and it has to do with your centre.
I just feel sad. My career isn’t going well. My kids don’t talk to me. My dad was an alcoholic. I hate my job. I hate my life. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I don’t have many friends. People don’t like me … are the sort of typical comments that we hear from the depressed. Nowhere in there is there a mention of other people. It’s all about you.
As humans we get in this state of sadness over very real psychological issues and we think about them endlessly, feeding them and making them worse than they ever needed to be. This creates emotions and chemical reactions in the body that doctors diagnose as ‘depression’.
Doctors see depression as a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes negative thoughts, but this is not actually the case. There are chemical imbalances, yes, but they are caused by negative thoughts, not the other way around. Doctors will prescribe you medication to correct the chemical imbalances, thinking it will therefore correct your thoughts. What you actually need is to correct your thoughts, and you will in turn correct your chemical imbalances. Think positive and you will feel positive.
Why in poor countries are reported rates of depression significantly less than in western countries? We have everything, they have nothing. You’d think that somebody who doesn’t have food for their family would feel pretty fucking depressed, yet no, it’s the western businessman with everything who feels depressed. The superficial reasons could be many, but ultimately it comes down to one thing: the poor man doesn’t have the time to sit there thinking about himself. The poor man spends his time trying to feed himself and/or his family. This gives his daily life meaning, and it removes that infamous word ‘I‘ from his thoughts..
If you’re depressed my advice to you is to stop thinking about what you want, what you don’t have or what others have. Focus on something greater than yourself, be happy for what you have and what you are and cherish it. Remove the word ‘I’ from your vocabulary and you will find a happiness that you haven’t felt since you were a child.
Cherish the smallest moments that life offers, like sitting under a tree on a beautiful day, the breeze against your skin, with not a thought in the world. Remember that by focussing on yourself and your ‘depression’ you’re making life harder on you and on those who love you. They have to deal with your self-inflicted bullshit the same way you do. It’s not fair on you and it’s not fair on them, and at the end of it all, when you do snap yourself out of it and ‘suddenly’ feel better, the truth will come to light. And that truth?
Your depression was all in your head. It wasn’t real. You were never actually depressed. You were just being selfish. And if you refuse to admit that you were simply being selfish, then you still are.
Good read. WOW I like your writing style.
Thanks, Venkat. I appreciate your feedback.
It takes an immense amount of guts to post something like this, I commend you for that. However, I believe your reasoning is flawed in the way that you that depression isn’t real because it’s all in the head. Guess what else is only in the head, everything that’s not tangible. This statement would assume that emotions aren’t real, theories aren’t real, arguments aren’t real. Nothing is real. Also, where are your sources on ‘chemical imbalances are caused by negative thoughts’? I acknowledge that this is still in the unknown and the cause of depression is still not specifically confirmed, but that does not justify you asserting your own beliefs and claiming them to be true. Have you ever been depressed? Have you ever had a close family member be depressed? You would quickly find out that your article is not that sound in logic. You probably have many friends and family that are diagnosed with depression, but you don’t know. Why? Because they are trying. They are trying to not make your life miserable, they are trying to become better people. They are not sitting in their homes leeching off people, because they are outside working in the real world to get themselves somewhere. It may not seem like it on the outside, but to these people each and every day may be an energy-draining struggle.
Thanks for your comment, Lee. I recognised the arrogance of my title when I wrote it, but I do believe it’s true.
Real guts (and/or stupidity) would be posting something like this if I hadn’t personally seen or experience depression. I have seen it at it’s extreme, and it is for that very reason that I stand by my post. I saw a perfect family destroyed by ‘depression’, and ultimately it turned out that it was simply a way for one of the partners to escape. They were being selfish. This is but one case I have witnessed. There are others.
The fact is, if something is more important than one’s self then the depression will never take hold because the force of that other is greater. If one places one’s self ahead of that other then the depression will take hold. It is that placement that makes one selfish. I ask you to have a read of my article on The Centre. It’s an important principle.
It seems what you’re actually describing from your own situation is narcissism, not depression. Depression isn’t always–or ever–caused by a specific stimuli from a person’s life, i.e. their terrible job, their terrible car, the things their neighbors have that they don’t. Depression tends to have its roots in much larger circumstances that the depressed person knows she cannot control, more akin to a philosophical breakdown when a realization occurs that some problems may have no solution, no matter how hard you try. For instance, the war, the Steubenville rape trials, the Israeli Palestine conflicts. I don’t think it’s fair of you to trivialize the very real depression of others by assuming your experience is the litmus test for depression. Also, suffering from narcissism is very real, too. It destroys marriages and families, and it’s a persistent mental illness with high links to heart disease and stress. Though narcissism really is a form of self-centeredness, and perhaps it can be treated with what you describe in your post, but it will rarely disappear.
Thanks for your comment, April. I appreciate your effort in writing it. Unfortunately your comment epitomises everything that I despise about psychology. Too much science, not enough spirit. Each and every human issue has to be broken down into micro-issues with micro-causes, the end result of which is confusion and a path that has nothing to do with the actual origin.
In this article I am not referring to narcissism, I am talking specifically about depression. Where psychology tends to treat these issues as separate, I analyse them from a spiritual standpoint and the cause is identical for both. Problems such as multiple-personality disorder, bi-polar disorder, depression, anxiety and narcissism stem exclusively from the human spirit, and all have a spiritual cause, not a scientific one. It may seem that I am trivialising depression through simplification, but I am not. My assessment is a spiritual one, not an intellectual one, hence it can not and should not be analysed intellectually. A big ask for some, I know.
Having something in life greater than one’s self ensures no depression, no anxiety, and no fear. That something is an absolute centre. Mine is God. I can say that with absolute certainty and without hesitation. Ask a depressed person what their’s is and see what kind of answer you get.
Unfortunately you’re very wrong, Toma. I am a Christian, and have faith in God. That didn’t fix me. I also started volunteering my time for a greater cause. While it helped stopped me taking my own life (I knew I couldn’t because I was being relied upon), it didn’t cure me. I wasn’t unhappy. I felt worthless, hopeless and like the world had too many problems that it was beyond fixing.
I hope anyone reading your blog goes and gets advice from someone who actually understands mental illness, and seeks support from friends and family who love them. No one deserves to live with ‘the buzz’ as one of your commenters described it. Most people I know who falsely claim that depression doesn’t exist, or is selfish, either have lost someone to depression and find it easiest to deal with the loss in that way, or are looking to find a way to avoid having to act or care about people they know who suffer depression. Either way Toma, I’m praying for you.
Ps. It’s taken me five years, but I have finally taken control of my illness, and am starting to make the most of my life and the gifts I’ve been given.
Hey Hayley. I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, so much so that I wrote a blog post inspired by your comment. I hope you will get my point.
The most dangerous word in the English language
You’re a real arrogant asshole… You say someone who’s depressed is being “selfish” because it involves “them”. Sorry but, that is not being “selfish” by any means. Many people have reasons for feeling the way they do and sometimes not everyone is strong enough to just pull-out of it. Not everyone has the mental capability to just say to themselves “I’m sad because of this but I’m being selfish so I need to just get over it” That’s so fucking stupid you make me sick. As a person who is familiar with depression I assure you that your thoughts are very flawed. Have you ever thought, gee, these events that occurred in this persons life are not going to be reversed and maybe there’s absolutely nothing they can do to change the situation or make it better… and you expect them to just get over it? You said your solution was “God”. Well, good for you. Not everyone believes in the man in the sky and that isn’t a solution for everyone. Quit being egocentric.
At no point did I say that God is THE solution, only A solution, and my recommended one.
I don’t expect people to simply click their fingers and feel better. I do expect them to come to a better understanding of themselves, and of the real causes of their suffering, which are the exact same causes for ALL of us. Things needn’t be complicated, but that’s not the same as saying they are easy.
Toma, you are correct to an extent because its not the thoughts we have that make us depressed, its our attachment to those thoughts. Situational depression such as the death of someone we love or depend upon is often transient and directly related to the incident of loss but generally, if we don’t think about being depressed, we are less likely to feel it. I suffer with it on and off but mine is based around a complete and utter nihilistic view of the world which i now cannot shake. Existential depression can’t be cured by taking up a cause because the way you’ve trained yourself to think to put yourself there in the first place makes you question the value of the cause and even what ‘value’ is in the grand scheme of things. I believe its the distraction, not the cause that pulls you our of the spiral. I once spoke in depth to a Jehovahs Witness about the afterlife and their core beliefs of everlasting life after Armageddon and what-not. Even though the whole idea just came across as a preposterous work of fiction designed purely to suck in those who are at a wits end and vulnerable, looking for meaning, you could tell that the years of indoctrination his depressed mother had pushed him through had worked and he genuinely believed he was going to live forever.
Keep yourself distracted, keep your eye on the ball and keep a firm grasp on what your idea of progress is and strive for it because when you lose track of these 3 cornerstones, it will find you. Selfishness has nothing to do with it.
Although I use the word selfish the more appropriate term would be self-centred, hence the reference to my article on The Centre. Whatever the reasons for depression they come from within, which is to say from one’s own centre. The dissolution of self cures that, such that whatever the cause is ceases to matter. It’s important that we free our minds, not distract them further.
Wouldn’t that suggest that depression is purely a symptom of us not living up to our ego though? The buddhists are keen on the whole disengagement with the ego in order to become enlightened but unfortunately, you end up with Nihilism waiting at the other end (speaking purely from my own perspective of course) and when you start to question causes, goals and progress and whether or not ‘progress’ as a concept even exists, it lands you in a state of complete cognitive dissonance towards all your previous goals. I have not been able to identify what progress is for some time now and because of it, when i cannot keep myself distracted, I slip in and out of depression. I don’t mean to come across disrespectful towards your beliefs and am aware this is likely to sound patronising but I have not been able to successfully convince myself that religion is a plausible step forward up to now and frequently turn to more self destructive routes such as alcohol. If you have any suggestions on how this nihilism can be combatted, I’d be very interested in hearing them because the usual response is ‘take up a cause’ and as you can see the problem then becomes cyclical.
It’s not just Buddhism that emphasises the disengagement of ego. Christianity does also. He who loses himself will find himself, and so forth.
If you haven’t already, you should check out Tony Robbins’ bit on the 6 Human Needs. Although I strongly disagree with the man on a lot of things, sometimes he manages to hit the nail on the head. Very briefly, we have core needs that must be met, and meeting those needs dictates our behaviour. Smoking for example fills a need, and quitting smoking does not mean we no longer have that need. Hence why we can leave alcohol, for example, and then go back to it. The need is still there. We must identify it and find other ways to meet it. The disillusion of ego is the most permanent way.
The unwillingness of the ego to let go of the ego out of fear of Nihilism is the fruit of a rotten tree. It is a thought born of the ego, so how can we trust it’s objectivity?
As a sufferer from depression, I think that there are a lot of misconceptions as to what exactly depression *is*.
I find that many people assume that depression is a low mood, or being miserable, or unhappy. I, however, would explain it more like this:
You described a beautiful day, sitting under a tree, with a breeze against your skin. Think of that scene, if you can, as a beautiful piece of music, stunning in its perfection. Now imagine a bad-quality recording of that music. All the perfection is there, all the beautiful notes and harmonies, but overlying it is a buzz that makes it hard to hear it properly, makes it difficult to enjoy its beauty. To a sufferer of depression the beautiful day you described is like the music, and the depression is like the buzz. It’s just there, constantly, dragging you down, filling your mind, making it difficult to think or do anything.
I’ve had days like that. I’ve sat under the tree, and I’ve felt the breeze, and I’ve known with absolute certainty that the world was perfect, and beautiful, and made with love and attention to every detail, and I’ve known that my friends and family are wonderful people, who care for me as I care for them, and I’ve known that I would never in the world give up on this life, nor bring pain to those I love… but the buzz is still there.
However selfless and spiritual you are, you still have to deal with the realities of life. You have to deal with hunger, or with pain, or with illness. You can deal with these things well, or you can deal with these things badly. Don’t get me wrong, many people deal with depression badly. You can be both depressed *and* selfish just as you can be feverish and selfish, or suffering from a broken leg and selfish… but that doesn’t mean that the illness itself is selfish.
A very heart felt comment.
This is another article for another day, but as some people love to be happy and avoid suffering, others love to suffer and avoid happiness. While I most certainly am not implying that is your case, for I have no way of knowing that, I am stating that it is a choice. Suffering is as much a part of life as happiness, so it is not abnormal to prefer one over the other for whatever reason, but which one is up to you.
I read your latest blog post. You honour yourself by honouring others first. Take the worst seat at the dinner table and let the host raise you to a better one in front of everybody. That is greater than any honour you could ever give yourself.
Oh thanks. I just had an epiphany and cured a chemical imbalance in my brain.
So where did the chemical imbalances come from?
They come from genetic factors you can’t control, doctor.
There is absolutely zero evidence that depression is caused by chemical imbalances. Zero. There is evidence of correlation, but that’s to be expected. Wouldn’t you expect a brain that’s chronically said to have slightly different brain chemistry than one that’s not? Different neurotransmitters are released all the time depending on our physiological states. As long as psychiatry continues to use (or at least tries to use) an exclusively biological model to explain psychiatric illness, treatment for mental illness will never progress beyond what it is now, the madcap throwing of random mind-altering medications at symptoms while the actual root of the symptoms is ignored.
I cannot believe someone would say depression isn’t real. It is not selfishness. It’s pain that you constantly try to escape from every day, but can’t. It’s trying to hide it from the world as to not upset anyone else, which sounds more like selflessness to me. It’s trying to hold on to something so you don’t slip and fall forever. Depression is real. It is NOT selfish.
This is the worst article I have ever read. I think YOU are suffering from selfishness. How dare you make less of the pain depressed people go through. I would know how that feels. My mother, who sat staring vacant at her bedroom wall for hours on end, or crying at insignificant things, she knows how depression feels. So take your article and stuff it where the sun don’t shine.
So when your mother was sitting there crying, was she thinking about you and your well being? I dare say she had her head in the same place as my article.
Beliefs like this are the very reason why people don’t get help. You’re not a doctor, just another entitled ass who thinks he knows it all. Its transparent, that you are the one who is selfish. You have no idea. Nobody wants to feel this way. I don’t like to feel this way and I can’t shut it off. You have no idea how hard I’ve tried all these years. How dare you write such crap. Selfish? Please. Nobody has ever called me selfish. You don’t know me.
I feel like I’m wasting my time even bothering to write any of this. It doesn’t matter what I say. You are still going to think I’m some self pitying fool. Which is exactly why I don’t talk about these feelings.
You know, comments would be more meaningful if anybody actually argued the points I made in my post. All I’m getting is emotional reactions to being called selfish but no argument as to why I might be wrong.
So I’ve gone in search of views similar to my own. It seems I am not the only one who holds this opinion:
http://viewonbuddhism.org/depression.html
Although this article supports my view, it does manage to offer suggestions as to how you can escape from your depression/selfishness, something which I failed to do successfully.
Spot on!!!!
Today I asked my friend to walk home with me and my other friend said “No, she should walk home with me because I’m depressed and you’re not.” She got what she wanted.
I know this is a small thing but it really bugged me, I thought she was being very selfish and using “depression” as a way of getting what she wanted, even though it was just a little thing.
So I found this and I have to agree with you. Suffering comes from the absence of your desires. When someone is sick, they suffer because they are in pain and they want better health. It’s when the desires are things which we can live without such as materialistic things, that leads you to think it’s selfishness. I think it is selfishness but I wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s self inflicted although I think you can make it go away.
You’ve probably heard of Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs, once you have everything from the bottom you move up. It is said that countries such as France and US are more depressed than poorer countries. I think this is because most people who are born into families who can support them, already get given the basic needs such as food, shelter, water and warmth and safety. The next one’s in the pyramid are love, self esteem and then self actualisation. These tend to be the things that depressed people say they do not have. It’s their desire for these things and failure to achieve it which makes them depressed. People spend their lives trying to fulfil themselves, which is because they already have the basics, and then love and self esteem, so they strive for self actualisation. They want to achieve more, they will obviously “need” other things (probably materialistic things) such as money, when really they want money so they can fulfil themselves in whatever way they have chosen.
I can see that you’re not attacking people who are or say they are depressed (so people shouldn’t be taking it so personally), they just need to accept things and seek help so that they can see that they are in control of all of this and that they can improve the situation they’re in.
Thank you for writing this.
Your reference to Maslow is an interesting one. I smell an article cooking.
Even more interesting is your statement about suffering coming from the absence of desires. Swap the word desires with needs and I might just agree with you. Without needs life seems to lose it’s purpose. A life with needs yet free of desires is a good one.
Just commented on a similar article and I have to agree on this one.
The worst is children making their parents miserable or parents making their children miserable because of their “depression.”
I’ve found(and I’m a Muslim so this is the way I see it) that doing what I was commanded is the way out. God promised me I would be tested-so every time I am tested I can say “this is what he promised and my patience and gratitude is being tested” and my faith increases. Also, I remember that there is constant pain and in the fire of hell and that this life is so short…..compared to how amazing Paradise is, my problems are trivial and will end soon.
It’s articles like these that help me:http://www.iqrasense.com/muslim-character/a-muslim-believers-attitude-during-times-of-difficulties-and-calamities.html
My beliefs by the permission of God, help me cope. I certainly abhor that any one else should suffer because of any suffering I am going through, mental or physical(although the brain is a physical thing.) Pushing my pain on others-now that is being selfish.
Let me tell you how I found this page: I’ve been going through a heavy depressive period of late and this morning when I first woke up I wrote in my journal (as I often do) over my feelings, dreams of the night, and for the first time in a while… a list of things I could do today such as going for a walk, cleaning the house, visiting a friend, etc… As I looked at each item I felt a bit of anxiety about doing what I wrote, but also the thought of, ‘I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to.’ Just like a four year old would do when faced with something he doesn’t want to do. It was then a little voice within said, ‘Gee, this depression is really selfish!’ And damnit, in my case it’s true! Rather than feeling the pain of stretching myself in a direction that would be helpful not only for the depression, but also helpful for others, I’m allowing the ego, the little ‘I’ to be in control. This is a decision, a choice. I could be of use but because of a fear or uncomfortableness I wish to avoid, I choose to stay in bed and sleep. I do believe, similar to Eckhart Tolle and other spiritual teachings that depression has its place so long as we use it and not the other way around. Sometimes this change around of who’s using who can take a long time, but it can also happen in an instant. Often it is the bone deep, sheer agony of depression that causes the true self to finally wake up and say.”Enough!” and break free of the identification with the little ‘I’ or ego allowing the recognition of our true connection with a higher source, or a holy love that I’ll call God for practical purposes. Once I realized how selfish depression is for me it was an easy jump to this website. My thoughts aren’t fully formed on this yet, as this Dark Night of the Soul period is a common theme that runs through most spiritual literature of every religion for thousands of years. The lesson however in each tradition is always the same … become empty, break the identification with the little ego who has until now created one’s whole world, and embrace in identity and truth, yourself as a spark of Divine Love with all the indescribable joy that comes with this state. In many cases this state is only made possible through Soul-wrenching hard work but ultimately is given as an act of grace when least expected. This can feel like a real death to the ego who can see no end in sight of the pain and has no real control over the situation. This is the whole purpose of course, making the ego impotent enough so the real self, Soul if you will, can shine through. Naturally this can be an excruciating painful period, hence the reason why most people don’t want to go through it and keep themselves in a cycle of ego identification of a known pain than surrendering to what appears for the ego to be a big, scary, unknown jump into a dark void. I know I’ve been guilty of this. This is especially true if someone is really strongly identified with the ‘I’ in all of its wily and manipulative ways. Of course, beating yourself up for being depressed is an act of the ego and not the work of Soul so it won’t help. Anyway, these are my off-the-cuff impressions for now.
I hope you never experience depression or lose any loved ones to suicide if this is your stance. Maybe then you will understand.
Jerome you said exactly what I wanted to say. This article sends a potentially dangerous message. As someone who has battled depression my whole life (and I mean BATTLED) and recently lost a family member to suicide, one of the worst things the sufferer goes through is the feelings of GUILT. Does the author think that people choose to suffer from depression? I actually DO wish he could experience depression, just for one day, and then write a follow up article.
Wow. You’re a fucking moron!!! Depression is real. Sounds to me like it’s YOU who’s selfish. Getting annoyed at others for feeling down. Implying that “it’s all about them.” You piece of shit. For someone who’s really depressed, this could set them over the edge.
Are you a doctor????? I wouldn’t be making statements like you did without a medical background. You narcissistic idiot.
Lucy you’re actually quite correct. I am selfish, and that’s my point. We’re all selfish. It is our selfishness that causes us to be unhappy. Our egos cause our suffering. The stronger the ego the stronger the suffering. This has very little to do with God or religion. God and religion are but one way to remove our ego and subsequently find contentment. There are many other ways, and all of them involve deflating the ego.
Then why single out depressed people… Everyone is selfish, should have written an article about that. I think this is actually dicrimination, that you are bashing on depressed people. I agree with Lucy for someone who is depressed this article could be a trigger for them to feel worse and just do a lot of self-blaming and with depessed people you have train their minds for years to start evaluating things from a realistic perspective and not negatively.
Also, just to let you know, I suffer from extreme depression. I NEVER, ever tell anyone about it or bring anyone else down around me. I keep it to myself. I don’t have an actual reason for being depressed, I just feel bad inside. Worse in winter (heard of seasonal disorder). So if depression isn’t real, how can seasonal disorder exist?????? And how is depression selfish when MANY people keep it to themselves. A lot of those people will end up suiciding as they feel alone and no one understands. As a Christian, shouldn’t you have some COMPASSION toward your fellow man???
Crazy religious people
Toma,
I agree with your blog post in many ways. I believe that selfish thoughts cause us to be unhappy, as in my instance my therapist has said that I need to start externally being selfish (I was bullied throughout middle school) in my interactions with people instead of being submissive and pushing those thoughts internally, but I think you’re trivializing just how easy it is to turn around those negative thoughts.
For me, I lose the “depression” when I feel like a large number of people actually care about me, but once that feeling goes away (or a situation arises that is similar to the middle school bullying) the negative thoughts come back and cause me to internally regress into that same state of mind. It’s easy to say that I need to be in situations where I would feel important to other people to be able to think positively about my social life, but if it were that easy to implement in real life given my background, well then I wouldn’t be sitting here responding to your blog. I would probably be off with friends going to the bar or watching a movie with a girlfriend. It’s not as easy as thinking positively about your situation, just like it’s not as easy to get over a fear of heights without actually confronting your fear.
I would welcome a response to see your point of view on my situation, as I think you offer a lot of insight on this issue.
Thanks for your comment Ryan.
To understand my forthcoming advice, it’s essential that you first read and understand my post on The Centre. Here’s the link:
Explaining God, selflessness and the human ego. The Centre.
What is bullying if it is not the bully trying to strengthen his or her own centre? If they can beat up on you they feel greater than you, which is to say they feel more the centre than you are, or more Godly than you are. It also has the opposite effect on you, which is to say that your sense of centre shrinks and you feel worthless. This is all tied to the ego. Your centre matters to you and you feel damaged. Selfishness as I’ve used it in the post is but another word for the importance of our own ego.
You need to work on your understanding of your own centre. If you do this your problem will cease to exist, I promise. I believe there are three distinct ways that this can be done.
1. You can take the new age, very American approach of self-empowerment, which is what your therapist is telling you to do. Imagine if you will the voice of Tony Robbins telling you to “Set some goals, get out there and achieve them. You can do it!”. Such approaches serve to strengthen your own centre through achievement and self-confidence, but they are extremely dangerous because strengthening your own centre strengthens your ego. Yes, you will resolve your current problem by feeling like the king of the world, but with ego comes a host of other issues and an inevitable unhappiness over the long-term. What we need to do is remove the ego. Selfishness is the quickest, most powerful path to unhappiness. Take this path and you will wish you hadn’t.
2. Find a centre greater than your own, such that your own centre ceases to matter. You will no longer need the validation you feel when others make you feel good, because what matters more than you is that in which you believe. This is my chosen path, hence my firm belief in God, but God is not the only way. As I mention in this post, you can help people, or have a child that depends on you etc etc. The idea here is to be selfless, so much so that your centre ceases to be paramount to your thinking.
3. You can completely obliterate the centre. What this means is a complete removal of the ego, such that you are One with everything. In this state a chair holds as much importance in the world as you do. You become but another thing in this world, with no ego that needs feeding. This is pure Zen practice, and can only be achieved through the deepest of meditation and countless awakenings. This is the state that the Buddha supposedly achieved. I recommend finding a Zen centre for this one. Zen is great because it’s not a religion, but a new perspective.
The thing with therapists, Ryan, is that they deal with the mind, which is an excessively complex thing. They use complexity to deal with complexity, and telling you to be externally selfish may have scientific logic to it, but it is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing. I’d get rid of him or her now. Try and address your spirit. It’s a far simpler thing to deal with than your mind.
“…caused by negative thoughts and not the other way around.”
And I’m sure you can back this up with hard evidence.
Or are totally unfounded statements the Zen way?
For someone who dismisses psychiatry as pseudoscience, you sure are quick to make sweeping, vague diagnoses of your own.
Okay, so if this is your view, then how do you escape the selfish negative thoughts?
Your question comes with great timing, as this weekend I’ve been having a few of my own. Over the years I’ve learned (and am still learning) to recognise them when they happen, which to me is the most important part because we learn self-awareness, and we don’t give them time to take hold of us and spiral.
Once recognised I do something positive & productive to empty my mind. Working harder. Spending more time with my family. Blogging. Meditating. Exercising. Praying more. All of the aforementioned are positive experiences which leave a contribution to the world (although many would argue whether my blogging qualifies).
I recognise negative feelings as an alarm telling me it’s time to work on myself spiritually. I don’t eradicate the thoughts in an instant, but I do chip away at them. The whole process makes me stronger and more humble, and the next time this happens, probably in a few months, I will be stronger than this time, IF I am spiritually sharp enough to recognise them when they occur.
Depression results in fatigue. It can interfere with their daily lives, and even kill them. To say that it is “all in their head” is a typical, ignorant response from somebody who has never dealt with the condition or somebody else who has it. Just because depression isn’t visible like a broken leg, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
A very presumptuous statement. Nonetheless, if it necessarily exists outside of the mind, show it to me.
People who are depressed exhibit very substantial physical degrading. Exampli Gratia: fatigue, increased sickness, physical weakness, heart conditions, et cetera. Sir, if you have not had depression, and have not studied the human mind to a very deep extent, then I fear you have no authority to dismiss hundreds of years of research. The human brain is no simple thing, concordantly there are no simple answers. The biggest problem here is you have confused depression with narcissism. I personally attempted to hang myself a year ago, and have been battling depression since. I can still be happy, but only for a brief time, and the correlation is not between where my centre of thought is and my mood. Having conversed with others in my condition – on top of a few narcissists as well, I can tell you your statement is false. You believe you can call another presumptuous, yet you just insulted everyone who chances upon your page that has had a suicidal family member or friend. I do not appreciate the way you insulted myself, either. I have done volunteer work, built bikes for others in shops for free, am a Christian, and am doing nuclear fusion research with the goal of benefiting all of humanity. It has not helped; I still see life through a dark film, for such long and chronic periods of time that I begin to doubt if happiness exists, if my mind is focused on myself or others. A friend of mine has devoted his entire life to all those around him, he never goes first, he helps others with problems, and is an amazing friend, yet he is plagued with depression. There are too few sources in your article, too much evidence against it, and you sir are too egotistical [O irony.] to admit you may be incorrect.
Hi Connor,
I believe I have addressed most of your points in previous comments. I will say this: Selfishness (or self-centredness) are little more than the mind being trapped within itself, such that it is blinded to the truth and the purity of one’s surroundings. By using your mind you have created a filter through which you see the world, and in your case you claim that filter is dark. You need to remove the filter.
“Hundreds of years of research” – that’s a good one. What research are you referring to? Because there is no research that I am aware of that establishes any cause of depression (or any other mental illness, for that matter).
This blog post does not invalidate or call into question the suffering of people with mental illness, as many commenters seem to think. The symptoms are real – but that is all they are, symptoms. And most of the currently practiced models of psychiatry deal only with that- they identify clusters symptoms, label those symptoms as a “disease,” and then attempt to treat that “disease” when all they are doing is treating symptoms. This post attempts to identify the true cause of mental illness, something psychiatry has repeatedly failed to do, so that sufferers can begin to treat the source of their suffering, rather than simply treat the symptoms.
And this is nothing new, nor is it a perspective that is shared by only one or two people (though it is in the minority). In the United States, the American Psychiatric Association has released its DSM 5, the latest in its line of books outlining their criteria for the diagnosis of mental disease, to very mixed reviews. The controversy with the DSM highlights the complete subjectivity with which mental disorders are “defined,” highlights the fact that “mental disorders” are merely identified clusters of symptoms rather than diseases in the true sense of the word, and highlights the fact that the entire field of psychiatry is, by far, the least scientific area in the field of medicine.
Dear Toma,
While I may respect that this is your opinion and you have a right to share it, I am in utter disbelief on how you’ve expressed it so bluntly with very little background knowledge on the subject. I wouldn’t mind so much if you weren’t hurting people in the process.
I have experienced depression first-hand and been a very successful psychologist for many, many years. I have also looked into psychiatry and medical sciences. The depression that I experienced wasn’t initially caused by “selfishness” but in fact it was caused by anxiety. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and in contrary to your beliefs, one of those things that bothered me so deeply was the unhappiness of my mother; among many things. I never sunk down in “self pity” but merely didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I was just so tired and worn from worrying all the time. It became a lot more difficult for me when I dealt with people like you who blamed the illness of me; when in fact I was suffering from a biological illness. See, the anxiety used up my serotonin which is responsible for feeling “good”. It’s a very chemical-based process, not simply “negativity”. We live in a very stress-driven society and anxiety is one of the primary causes of depression. Now we’re both educated people so would you please tell me how you still consider this post accurate when the majority of comments disagree with you, most of whom have experienced depression first-hand and definitely have more knowledge than you on the subject. I consider you a very, very arrogant individual and I hope you reconsider your ignorant views on this subject.
I can tell from your tone that you are a very sincere person, Tamika, and I thank you for sharing.
What really bothers me about all of this, and it is my own fault, is that you all seem to have the impression that I consider myself above you, and above all of this. No! I am right in there with you. I suffer from the same issues as everybody else. The real difference between us is my willingness to accept my own mind as the cause of my problems, and my learned attempts to free myself of it.
We fear so strongly that by freeing ourselves of our ego we will lose our identity and our sense of self. In reality it is in those exact moments that we find our true selves. Many commenters have understandably said they wish I could experience depression to understand it. I wish whole-heartedly that all of you will experience one moment in which you are truly free of your ego, primarily for your own happiness, but also that you may understand the true meaning of this post.
You know it is proven that people who suffer from depression are likely to be more selfless than people who aren’t depressed? It has to do with low self-esteem or something of the sort.
Dear Toma,
I completely agree with you. Depression IS selfish because of the reasons you say amongst other reasons too. If its any explanation, I’m Buddhist so my reasons focus on what depressed people are not doing, not what they are. I focus on the fact that depressed people create a wall around them that prevents them from interacting with others. This wall prevents them from seeing the ultimate reality: life is suffering. They think their suffering is “special” or that they suffer more than others, but I’d go as far to say that everyone suffers and usually its a more or less equitable amount. Now…this may seem like I’m ignoring those in poverty-stricken countries, but in fact I’m not. People who are put through such trials tend to not be depressed and usually quite content. Now when you talk about well-off people, you must understand that the suffering is still the same, its just from themselves or mostly in the mind. Now to explain this you must understand that I believe desire IS the cause of suffering. This may not make sense, but desire, and suffering by extension, can bring good change as well and desire only ends through a moderate lifestyle. Focusing on the ones around you and making sure that you don’t focus on your self is the way to reach a state of “No-Self.” To put it in a non-theological term, you reach a state of selflessness. If focusing on others and not focusing on yourself is selflessness, then we can safely assume that to focus on yourself and to be depressed is the opposite: selfishness.
Now all of these beliefs I’ve expressed here are not easy for me to truly accept, as I get depressed quite often. However, that is why I follow these beliefs in the first place. By acknowledging my depression, acknowledging my attachment, my aversion, my ignorance, and my overall selfishness I am trying to take that first step towards getting rid of my overall depression, or at least to have a thing I can look back to for inspiration. However telling people that depression is selfish is quite blunt and its not that you should say it kindly or wrap it in a blanket of white lies or anything, its just that telling people to inhibit or to feel an emotion almost never works. Spreading knowledge does perhaps and that is what you are doing too, but recognize that many times people who are depressed find it hard to get rid of depression. The main solution one can give is including them in the community or helping them be included because that takes the focus off of them. Technically you are trying to show them that they are being selfish, but they aren’t just seeing words on paper…erm I mean a screen. I do appreciate you posting this though.
Overall, I just want to say that you are right; negative thoughts are the cause of depression, not the other way around. However, I also want to say first-hand that it is NOT easy to get rid of depression just by acknowledging its existence within you. Personally that since depression is caused by aversion, ignorance, and attachment, that one should strive to get rid of all of them. Ignorance can be eliminated by constant reminders, staying connected to the community around you, and keeping your knowledge flowing and your ideals clear, although its not always that simple. Aversion can be eliminated by accepting that which you don’t want to accept and not focusing on appeasing purely your own interests. Lastly, attachment can be eliminated by attempting to put community and the intangible highly than material objects. You can use material objects all you want, but don’t depend on them, don’t worship them, and don’t think their obtainment is the sole purpose in life. I’m probably going off on a tangent, but I just wanted to get this out there and see what your response is too it. Thanks for article!
Your reader,
Haden Modisett
EDIT: I also would like to say that I do actively tell people of my depression, if it comes up or if I have recently suffered from it. I think people need to tell people of their depression because it hurts people more if you don’t then if you do. Actually people didn’t make such a big deal out of it and that’s something I really appreciated and something which pushed the idea further about the trivial state of my depression: it’s all in the mind; it’s nothing tangible.
Thank you for your support, Haden. Obviously I have taken a bit of a beatdown for this post, so it’s nice that somebody agrees with me in principle, if not with my expression.
I would like to address one point though. Poor people suffer as rich people suffer. Suffering is suffering, and like a virus it does not discriminate. The difference I was trying to express was the frequency with which they suffer. The moderate lifestyle you speak of seems paradoxical. You would think that poor people – who have much, much less – would desire more, and therefore suffer more. Funny that it’s actually the opposite.
Choosing the right path does not resolve our problems. We first need to walk it, and tire ourselves, and then we get to where we’re going. I applaud you for having chosen the right path. Walk it mindfully, and with great patience.
Oh absolutely, I agree with your reply. I didn’t mean to say poor people suffered differently than rich people because suffering IS suffering, especially when its mental. The moderate lifestyle I speak about is living a life in which you do fulfil some of your desires, but you don’t live too lavishly. You aren’t an ascetic, but you also don’t live a life whether you try to ignore suffering by feeding your every desire, because in the end desire will never be satisfied and building walls around yourself only makes you desire more. As Siddhartha Gautama once heard a music teacher say, “If the string is too tight, it will break. If the string is too loose, it will not play.” Lastly, I’d like to thank you for your blessings, peace be upon you as well.
Im 30. I came out of a long term relationship two years ago. Ive struggled to find a new man, and as the past two years have gone on, all my friends around me have got married and are now starting families.
I’ve also put on weight.
Bla bla bla…yes yes poor me.
Just giving you a background…
Toma, if you knew me, you would realise that i have always been the tpye of person to never allow anything to get the better of me. Yes, things have really got me down in the past, exams, family issues, struggling with weight, my brother battling with Crohns all his life. But I feel like Ive always had a great way of dealing with it. Its like you said earlier in your posts:
“Once recognised I do something positive & productive to empty my mind. Working harder. Spending more time with my family. Blogging. Meditating. Exercising. Praying more. All of the aforementioned are positive experiences which leave a contribution to the world (although many would argue whether my blogging qualifies). ”
I have always done that. It always worked. Yes, it does work.
And would always have recommended that.
As you are doing.
However. What I have been feeling in the last year doesnt compare. Its different. I would never have understood it (i think) if I hadnt experienced it.
I havent been diagnosed, but am almost certain I have depression.
What got me onto this site was my search for ‘what to do’ yet again. I simply havent got the courage or strength or confidence to go to a doctor. About mental health?!! How embarrassing. However, its been getting very bad recently – Im very close to doing something about it. (When I say bad – feeling no way out of this mental torture and wanting out – in some way)
And the reason Im writing this Toma (and i would genuinely love to hear what you would suggest) is that i have done all the above suggestions within the last year (Working harder. Spending more time with my family. Blogging. Meditating. Exercising. Praying more) I even went through a phase of Buddhist meditation BUT none of them work anymore.
Toma. Its scary. Frightening.
Its almost like something has a hold on me. I feel like a deserted train that cant move on its tracks.
Everything is moving around me and I cant.
Now, believe me i have tried. I have. Iv put myself out there. I am so outgoing and sociable. I have tried tried tried. But i am alone right now and the lonliness is so overwhelming and worrying that it has started to chip away at my happiness, it really has. I know my friends arent as interested in me when they see me, cos Ive nothing going on in my life to talk about. I feel my family look at me in pity.
Yes its all me me me i i i.
I know.
But I have to say that depression, in my opinion, is not a negative emotion that needs to be replaced.
It really isnt.
I feel like I have plunged into a darkness in my own mind now, that nothign can help.
Nothing.
And that is my conclusion.
Depression = hoplessness.
Think about that word.
Hope – less.
Imagine not seeing any hope or light.
All of the amazing brilliant things in life dont really matter.
Everything is overshadowed.
Toma. There comes a point in feeling ‘down’ or ‘negative’ where the things that once helped yourself cheer up…….dont work anymore.
Because all mental strength is zapped.
That. Is Depression.
This being human is a guest
house. Every morning
a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and attend them all:
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture, still,
treat each guest honorably.
HE may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
— Jalal ad-Din Rumi, Persian poet and mystic
Hi Toma,
I can see the point that you are trying to make about the ego (who as humans we identify as the real ‘Me’) needing to be let go of in order to transcend depression and come to a place of real peace… both with ourselves and with God. The irony is is that often the only way to this break this identification with the ego is through the trials of fire and water or the Dark Night of the Soul as St. John of the Cross called it and wrote so beautifully about. This may outwardly appear as a long and deep depression when the greater truth is that it is a time of cleaning out and true healing, when all what we think we are is turned on its head, and we are made empty so that He can take His rightful place in our hearts and minds. For the ego it can feel like death and insomuch that we are identified with the ego we may feel that we are dying too. We aren’t, but as the Sufis say, “Die before you die.” Which is this process of breaking off of the identification with the ego before we physically die. Soul a happy being, and also the real you and me, exists because God loves It. If we were to truly know this throughout our whole being how different our lives would be! So as scary and horrid and painful depression can be to our mind and senses, it can also be a sacred doorway to a new beingness. Rather than resist depression, or on the other extreme… indulge in it, we can invite it in and see what it is trying to say.
Beautiful! Simply beautiful. A lovely thing to wake up to.
I fear for those who lack a belief in something greater than themselves. That is true hopelessness.
Wow. I was driving home from work a couple of months ago. I was thinking about how I now have so little materially, financially…In that moment it hit me…I have nothing..that translated to me as i have everything..nothing to weigh me down, no “thing” to be attached to.. I’m free, not enslaved. Certainly finances afford a person with freedom, but we also identify ourselves though with what we have as opposed to who and what we are. When we have nothing, or little, we are free to be ourselves. Embracing our circumstances (depression) allows us the opportunity to grow, and to see the divine in the midst of our suffering. I’m grateful for finding this site. I appreciate your comment. This way of thinking forces us to either slip into defensiveness, or brutal honesty, the latter allows for real spiritual growth, and that is not for sissy’s. I would also like to mention that I appreciate that Toma is allowing people the freedom to speak their minds, their truth..at the expense of his own ego. That’s pretty grown up.
I am impressed. Impressed with your summation of depression and the comments from others. I have had depression for years. I no longer take medication for it, sometimes I think i should…but the truth is that my inner dialogue its vital to my mental health. I have survived some pretty amazing things, I have found myself having to start my life all over again at the age of 46…it really sucks. Bone cancer sucks. Somehow God saw fit for me to survive that and its been a rough 11 years. Somehow, understanding that what you focus on focuses on you teaches a person to take every thought captive, instead of letting the thought capture you. I agree with you Toma. Depression can be debilitating. No question. Its important though to not close our minds and hearts to the possibility that we may be at least participating in our own suffering. Instead of becoming offended, consider your role. If you’re going to a therapist, thought modification will be expected of and from you. Try to not identify your identity with labels, you’re so much more than a diagnosis.
Your comment about labels has kind of blown my mind. Labels are for the material, which is to say the mind and body. The spirit can not be labeled.
You’re an inspiration Kimberly. Thank you for sharing a snippet of your strength with other sufferers.
I was pretty blue when I was frequenting the web for articles about depression. I was recently diagnosed with clinical depression and it was hard to get out of it for a while. Upon reading your blog post, I found myself no longer dwelling on my negativity. I don’t know if it was how you wrote it or just the principle alone, but it definitely helped me whiz through my readings like it was nothing. Thanks a lot for that, I really appreciate you getting me out of that state, whether you intended it or not.
Mimi you are more enlightened than you give yourself credit for. Thank you for making my day.
Toma I congratulate you for discovering the great milestone that people have been overlooking for thousands of years. In fact why don’t you open your own center and let these people ‘snap out of it’…. I highly doubt that
I will always view people like as naive and ignorant. With all my respect to your views but they are very WRONG.
1- I am sick of people claiming the eastern world is not depressed… Do you have any evidence for that. the main reason people don’t know about their cases is the lack of research and acknowledgement of those so called ‘happy people’ believe me i ‘ve lived there… e.g a father might go to work everyday to feed his family while his psychological being is at stake, meaning he will spent hours worrying, crying, thinking he is a failure or life is not fair. Although he puts his family first he is still depressed.
2- selfish is a harsh word to tell someone who sufferers from clinical depression. Just because they think about themselves about 80% of the time does not mean that they don’t think about other people.
3- Your article is quite invalidating and disrespectful… saying that someone has everything is just ridiculous because depression is not about acquiring possessions. They are many causes of clinical depression you can’t just think that normal life stressors are the cause. People with past trauma, abuse, rape victims, bullying, those people witnessed horrifying stuff in the past and they can’t get them out of their minds so it’s not in their head. it’s just that they can’t cope with normal life problems that makes people think… oh ‘what the hell’.
4- Negative thoughts are influenced by past experiences. Negative thoughts may sound silly when written or said out loud, but they are very real to the person. for example; a teenager isolating himself/herself because they believe no body likes them, nothing good ever happens to me, why am i always victimized. If you dig deep into these thoughts you will find the root of them. I don’t think anyone who ever recovered from depression; said ‘wow what was all that crap about. They studied these thoughts daily and know exactly why they think like that
5- You didn’t mention anything about suicide… Yes it’s part of depression. Many people killed themselves because they can’t cope with their life anymore.
I guess there is two things that you can do when if you know someone with depression either blame them or understand them.
Toma, I agree with you 100%. When 19 (now 36) I attempted suicide. It came after a school term of rejection finding myself in a place where I had not learned to operate in society. I later learned that most of my rejection was ‘perceived’ rejection. I was looking for, and hypersensitive to, ‘evidence of rejection’. I always looked at the negative reasons as to why I was being rejected. I soon took ‘their side’ against myself and thought on their behalf against myself. After all, I wanted to agree with the world, even to my ow detriment. I later learned in life that I had my head up my p-aas-t. Get what I mean? I was more focused on me me me me me, and my problems, and their reasons to reject me. I later learned that all I was doing was ‘sending vibes’ outwards towards others that I was a rejected soul. I just focused on all the bad reasons. I would isolate myself and expect others to come into the door and lick my wounds. What is theat? Self-centeredness. It is selfishness. I was selfish. I just thought about my problems, my life and how others ‘owed me’ something. Ignore these people that are coming against you. I am a Christian and after my suicide attempt Jesus told me that I was selfish. Selfishness is the opposite of what Agape love provides. Agape love is selfless. When one gets their head out their p-ass-t, they can see the Light of Day. They can see others have bigger problems than their own. In a strange sense, its a sickness of narcissism. One can have grandiose thoughts of themselves in a negative sense… how? “I am worth every penny, but everyone ie rejecting me, they are wrong and I am right, they can come kiss my p-ass-t and they owe me their lives. they are my servants to lick my wounds and I am king”……. I agree with you 100%. I was in a psychiatric hospital and I took meds. Nothing worked. Only Agape Love works. You gotta get your head out your p-ass-t and looking to all the reasons to be happy. Happiness is a choice. I disagree with EVERYONE here who is coming against your article. I overcame depression WITHOUT DRUGS. This proves that depression is a spiritual problem and NOT a clinical one.
I would say God bless you, Tyrone, but we both know that has already happened.
I would like to touch on something very special you said. You said, “I wanted to agree with the world, even to my own detriment.” That is a huge problem with the world we live in today. Our masters are telling us through countless means to be a certain way, and we all want to agree with the world, even when it runs contrary to truth and to our instincts. Nobody likes rejection, including me. Nobody likes to fight, including me. But when we place truth, righteousness and selflessness ahead of ourselves we find a lot of hardship, but more importantly we find happiness. I’d rather suffer in light than in darkness.
Thank you for your enlightening comment.
Hi
I have major depressive disorder and also I have suffered from manic episodes.
I agree with you that thinking positively rather than focussing on the negative will make you happy. I think that’s pretty obvious though, and people who don’t already know that must be quite miserable.
I hope you read this and have some faith in me, a fellow human being, that I explain my experiences honestly and without embellishment. I just want you to understand a little of how it really is to live with mental illness, maybe you can learn a little tolerance from it. Of course you are entitled to your own opinion.
Manic episodes are not just hyperactive, over confident phases. I would lose control of what I was doing, it was scary but fun. I mean this, I was not in control of myself. Obviously this will sound far fetched to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but that’s your ignorance not mine.
During periods of my most dark depression, my thoughts were not focused on the bad things in my life. Quite the contrary, actually. I couldn’t stop thinking about how good I had it and how much I hated myself for still not being able to stop sulking.
Sometimes the fog would lift and I would not be able to understand why I had been such a whiny person for so long, and then things would get bad again and I was just stuck.
Please try to understand. People with real depression do not choose to think negatively, they do not choose anything. For me it was like an out of body experience sometimes.
I am in recovery now and am learning how to pull myself back up when I fall. I do not feel sorry for myself. God challenged me and I proved myself. I am lucky.
My dear, you do not have a “major depressive order”. Who are they to label the extent of how your feel? And why do you let them? This makes me legitimately mad. Do you think you are less than anybody else? Do you think you are ‘crazier’ than anybody else? Because YOU ARE NOT! Excuse my French, but fuck them! You are a beautiful spirit and you deserve happiness, so let yourself have it.
Whatever you feel, there is a tenth of an inch between it and feeling better, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I don’t need to know your story to know this is true. This is how it is with all of us. I am a tenth of an inch from being in your shoes and having someone try to label me as they have labelled you.
A few comments ago we discussed labels, and how the spirit can not be labelled, but the mind can. Focus on your spirit, and free your mind.
I think you may benefit from my post on Duality. You need to find your true self, but to do it, you must first let your old self go.
You talk in your comments about how people aren’t responding to the issues raised in your article, however you aren’t listening to them. Of course a depression is focused on one’s feelings, what else could it be focused on? You don’t get symptoms of an illness from someone else having the things causing the illness do you? Therefore you don’t get a depression, from thinking of only how others are affected. You get a depression from things affecting YOU. However this doesn’t mean that depressed people are constantly affected by factors them and ONLY them.
I have suffered a depression, and among others, a struggle I personally found was thinking of how I didn’t want to live in the world we are in. I found that seeing people suffering in all measures, while others selfishly prospered at others expense, was disgraceful, and yes it did affect me, as it made ME sad, but it only made ME sad because I was thinking of the effects on all others out there.
While overcoming this depression, which I am still in the process of, I realised that the only way to help attempt to begin to right the wrongs that made me feel so empty, is by being part of that change. However while I have had to constructive help to help me realise this, not all do, and those who aren’t as privileged as me to have the help I have, may never climb out of the depression and may unfortunately resort to suicide.
You can’t begin to imagine how physically debilitating depression is. At it’s worst stages you can be near completely physically paralysed, being able to literally complete tasks that are essential to your survival at that be it.
My depression was triggered by a large number of bereavements in my family, and it spiralled from there. I then took anti-depressants and while not being an instant or complete cure, my body having the chemicals from the anti-depressants improved my state of mind, I think helping prove that depression is chemical. Before you use the psychological ‘placebo-effect’ argument as well, I was on a range of anti-depressants with only the latter affecting me the most positive way, and I find it hard to believe that I saw a name or got to a point where my sub-conscious said ‘I want THIS one to work’.
However despite what I’ve put forward here, having seen some of your responses to comments above, I doubt people in your mind set will be able to recognise the validity of my argument as of course I’ve been depressed therefore I won’t know what I’m talking about or will be biased, and as nothing I’m say I can provide hard evidence of, it must be nonsense.
I don’t blame you for your opinons, I blame the close-mindedness of this society for closing people’s minds as yours has been, but I beg you to try as hard as you can, as all those who overcome this make-believe illness of depression do, to try and see things from a slightly different perspective.
I will respond not with answers, but with a question. If you took away all of your thoughts, leaving only your body, your spirit and the beginner’s mind that you were born with, how would you see the world?
I just read your article. Though I should admit that your way of writing is good, I cannot say the same about its content. There’s no need for exaggerations and harsh words; I will just provide some brief arguments against your main points.
In the second paragraph, you are writing the word “My” in Italic font, showing selfishness. Though you cannot prove that this is a sign of selfishness (although superficially it may seem as being), let me ask you something.
“My dad is an alcoholic”, the sentence you wrote, followed by “Nowhere in there is there a mention of other people. It’s all about you”. Whoa there, I said “My DAD is an alcoholic”, not “I AM an alcoholic”. In which way is this NOT a mention to other people? Why is the one expressing a similar problem considered selfish? As a person who grew up having an alcoholic father, this is not selfish at all. Your particular argument seems a little inaccurate.
How about reasons like “My dad used to beat me when I was young” or “My parents would constantly fight violently” or many, many other. Please elaborate: How are this considered as selfish questions led by selfish people?
To sum up this argument, every person has his/her own “personal environment”. What I mean to say is that one cannot easily have a reason like “My friend’s dad beats him/her” as a depressive factor. So, having reasons from your personal environment is not selfish; it is just your people, those who are probably a part of you and your life and have an impact on your feelings and mood. The reasons/facts that affect you are more likely part of this “personal environment”.
Moreover, I must assure you that not all reasons are like the above. The main reason I am depressed is because all people nowadays don’t take the time to care about other people; they just care about themselves. They don’t take the time to treat other people nicely. Not to offend, not to yell, not to humiliate. They don’t take some time to talk to a person suffering on the street and give him/her a helping hand. They don’t take the time to think about the consequences of their actions.
Do you think this is selfishness too?
Later on, you write “Think positive and you will feel positive”. I’m sorry I have to say this, but that is truly inaccurate. You don’t have complete control over all the aspects of your life. You can try and feel positive about some things that bother you, but eventually they will come back. You are limiting all possible reasons to inner ones like “I am ugly” and “My kids hate me”. Ok, I will admit that these particular reasons kinda seem like they can be controlled (seem like).
Let’s just make up a new problem “I constantly feel alone; my mother died when I was 8, my father is an alcoholic, all my friends avoid me and are busy when I need them, all my boyfriends/girlfriends always made me feel guilty over minor things and never cared about me, I have to work 3 jobs in order to make ends meet”.
Tell me, how the person having the above problem can “Think positive”.
Every night, he will return home tired, not having a person in the world.
“Find new friends, find a new boyfriend/girlfriend”. He/she will try, will it succeed? How many times can one find the strength to try? How can he/she feel happy with all this?
You cannot control other people’s feelings. A huge problem is having to compromise with other’s feelings not being what you want. This is not selfishness. “I wanted to be friends with X, but he/she didn’t. I have to compromise”. “I had feelings for that man/woman but she rejected them”. These reasons all add up and can truly be a burden to some people.
Your last argument, for the so called “Poor people” who don’t use the word “I” is highly ignorant. Those people may be poor, but they also care for each other more than western people do. Have you ever been in Africa? People may starve, but they will not walk past a person lying on the street in pain. They won’t yell and humiliate each other. They RESPECT the people around them, even foreigners. A man may not have enough to eat, but he will have the love of his wife, his children and his neighbors. Of course, that doesn’t make their life ideal but if we had a percentage of their compassion for our fellow people, we would feel much better.
These were some brief answers to your post.